Things Will Look Up
Ive felt that.
That unimaginable pain?
I know it well.
But it will be okay
Then again, almost..
But seriously, the only good thing about my life right now is school and tumblr.
And school goes by so slowly that it makes it boring..
My family life is all wacky, and negative and its just so emotionally and mentally draining!
And then somehow I am being effected by the most ridiculous thing that should NOT be fucking effecting me, and my realisation on how strongly it is effecting me is just proving my whole idea of me getting over him and moving on finally wrong.
The only thing that could make me forget this all is if someone new walked into my life magically and turned my life around by actually kissing me and with intentions on never fucking leaving.
But seriously, the fact that my ex (who is not talking to me, and hasn’t since the day before my birthday..)keeps dating girls who I know and have been friends with?
I mean, the first time, her and I were still friends, and my ex and I were still friends.. so it was extra painful having to watch it.
But now knowing that this time he hates me, and of all the girls he went for is my ex friend I’ve known since I was 4.. The one who talked to him for one day and told him she loved him (over webcam!), almost 3 years ago..the one who uses men for money and sex, and cheats on all of them, the one who is so selfish that when I was honestly truly madly deeply in love with him.. wouldnt let me talk about him because of ‘all of the memories’ (from the one day she talked to and flirted with him as a rebound).
The two girls I told him it would kill me if he dated.. he has now dated..
Clearly and asshole.. who undeservingly still owns my goddamn heart.
My heart feels like it has this really heavy yet empty pounding, and I was walking around so depressed all day.
Life sucks right now, my health isn’t great, if I go home to live with my mom I will have to deal with her boyfriend (who i liked up until recently..) and her arguing all the time, i hate it when he yells..
So Im staying with my grandma and my younger sister (shes 16), who are negative and nasty and selfish and just make me feel like the worst.
Outside of school I don’t really have much of a life, and now I have this horrible picture in my head of the two most desperately fake ‘lovers’ on the planet just fucking each other senseless because thats all the ‘chemistry’ they will ever have.